Daily Spread 2/17/09

Empress Rx
Page of Swords Rx
Page of Wands Rx

The grasses are waving in the breeze and Empress with her wand is looking not so comfortable upside down. Yet she is still smiling. It was not a particularly creative day today. Just as the Empress is upside down, all my experimental design for the summer has gone topsy-turvy thanks to some snags in the timing of salamander breeding versus both my academic obligations and the duration of winter weather. In spite of the drastic changes in plans and all I have left to do, I did not stress out and I was happily/pleasantly productive today.

What are you trying to tell me that I'm not understanding, Page(s)?! This sword keeps popping up, especially in this position, and I keep not grasping what he means. Something in my communication must be off, but what?! I think another card interview is in short order.

This page, though upside down, is firmly grounded as he treks on. Reversed, the emphasis is not on the beating sun but on the desert floor. It is hot, and the journey is long and hard, and still this messenger frog holds fast to his staff and pushes on. Tomorrow I have to write another grant proposal and revise my experimental design, tasks which require creativity and perseverance. Grin and bear it, Heather. Grin and bear it.

So many reversals lately! Individually they don't necessarily suggest anything negative, but taken together (over the course of many days) they seem to point strongly toward my diminished energy. I am emotionally strained, torn between opposing ideas, and the pessimist in me is not prepared to face the potential reality associated with the seemingly obvious answer. I am physically depressed, suffering from a perpetual winter "cold," an awful bout of acne I can't clear up, and a lack of motivation to go to yoga. I'm out of shape and, as the disordered perfectionist in me likes to point out, getting blemished and "squishy" around the edges. I feel like all I've been doing for the last few weeks is writing grant/fellowship proposals without making any real progress on my summer research plans.

Plus, I'm not feeling my IDS...again. I'm so close to the end! Just the majors and the rest of these cups to study. Frankly, I think it's the new decks sitting on my bookshelf that is making this so difficult. Archeon, Lunatic, and Deviant Moon are calling to me to be shuffled and interviewed and loved. If there's one thing I've been learning lately though, it's that I need to have follow through, and along with that I need to cultivate my patience.

I am learning. I am growing.